My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
