sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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