eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
