I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
