why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize