we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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