I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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