just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
