Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
