Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't deserve a penis
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
