Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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