I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
