dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
