The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
