Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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