my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
