I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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