He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize