This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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