i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
