you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
