had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
