She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
