Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
