Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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