Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
