Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
