i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
