im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize