I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
