just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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