did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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