At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
