you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
vagina is talking i cant
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
