I want to make a zoo with you.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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