I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
