and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
