Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
