the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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