this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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