dude i'm inner monologue high
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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