while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
