Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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