Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
