There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Life is so much better after having sex.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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