I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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