three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
