so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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