sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
