Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
