The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
