garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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