how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
