a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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