Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
