Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
