you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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