her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
