im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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