i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
