she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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