i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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