And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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