Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
