Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
