her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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